Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

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I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

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I see through liars

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

What is the kinkiest thing you and your sex partner have done in bed?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Why do wives cheat with black guys?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

How does Bollywood influence Indian culture?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

What's the difference between “ce”, “ça”, and “cela”, and when do I use each (French)?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

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I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

What are the pros and cons of arranged marriages?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

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I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t buy bullshit

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Why are breasts attractive?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I actually pay taxes

Do straight guys like to see cocks?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Is it possible to achieve spiritual enlightenment while being in a romantic relationship?

I can count

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

How do I find a transgender girlfriend?

I can read

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t cotton to rapists

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have a reading level above third grade

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write